Feb
19
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. — Robert Frost
after us, the flood
rewriting the human soul
and i’m so sad
like a good book
i can’t put this day back
remembering as a process
Going back to a place where major life events occurred will usually lead to nostalgia. I don’t think we’re quite ready to look back yet, because everything still feels too fresh. Things hurt when they shouldn’t. So I’ve been subconsciously trying to avoid any and all places that might remind me of painful things. Recently meeting up with an old friend and hanging out with him again was the closest I’ve gotten to some kind of remembering, and it’s more than enough for now. Because I don’t want to fall into the traps that I’ve set before. I feel like we’ve worked so hard to move on and become the persons that we are, that if we were to look back and start longing for the past, it’d be like taking a step backward and losing sight of ourselves. And I can’t afford that.
from a to m
“One may be tired of the world— tired of the prayer-makers, the poem-makers, whose rituals are distracting and human and pleasant but worse than irritating because they have no reality— while reality itself remains very dear. One wants glimpses of the real. God is an immensity, while this disease, this death, which is in me, this small, tightly defined pedestrian event, is merely and perfectly real, without miracle— or instruction. I am standing on an unmoored raft, a punt moving on the flexing, flowing face of a river. It is precarious. I don’t know what I am doing. The unknowing, the taut balance, the jolts and the instability spread in widening ripples through all my thoughts. Peace? There was never any in the world. But in the pliable water, under the sky, unmoored, I am traveling now and hearing myself laugh, at first with nerves and then with genuine amazement. It is all around me.”
http://www.salon.com/sneaks/sneakpeeks961018.html
May
30
Many people are afraid of Emptiness, however, because it reminds them of Loneliness. Everything has to be filled in, it seems - appointment books, hillsides, vacant lots - but when all the spaces are filled, the Loneliness really begins. Then the Groups are joined, the Classes are signed up for, and the Gift-to-Yourself item are bought. When the Loneliness starts creeping in the door, the Television Set is turned on to make it go away. But it does not go away. So some of us do instead, and after discarding the emptiness of the Big Congested Mess, we discover the fullness of Nothing. (Hoff, 1989, p.147-148)
May
25
lost at sea
fast free and happy
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